I've been subscribed to Republican fund-raising newsletters for some time now. I suppose that's what happens when you write to your senator, asking him nicely to stop effing things up. Maybe it was from the petition I signed, or the survey I filled out.

Usually they're fear-mongering claptrap. "Those tax-and-spend Democrats are trying to create a filibuster-proof supermajority in the Congress so they can give eleventy-seven QUAZILLION DOLLARS to the terrorists, and they'll succeed in their mad plan to DESTROY AMERICA if you don't donate $60 to the Republican party now!" Sometimes it's about how everybody can see right through {Democratic candidate}'s misguided / idiotic / self-serving / money-grubbing rhetoric, but our upstanding Republican hero needs my money to get elected in {completely unrelated state}.

They sent me a doozy this time, and I just had to share (their emphasis, not mine; and I also like the way that their emphasis stopped just short of "nuclear". They want me to pay attention to the words they think I want to hear, not the ones that might turn me off):

We Republicans believe the key to our future is sensible exploration of our own oil resources and an expanded commitment to alternative forms of energy, like nuclear, wind, solar, geothermal and hydrogen power.

Just like President Bush has been actively opposing for the past eight years! I especially like how they're letting the solar tax incentive expire this year; that should expand our commitment to alternative forms of energy. I'm also fond of the big tax breaks they gave SUVs, and the way they changed it a few years ago to include the biggest cars ever made, but exclude hybrids. Oh, yeah! The way that converting to an electric car has NO incentives is motivating, too!

I'm sure their perfectly sane plan to drill for oil off the coast of Florida will have gas prices down to practically nothing soon. Wait, what? It won't produce any oil for at least 7 years, the only oil we've ever found is low-grade, and we don't have enough refineries to do anything with it? Money well spent!

But surely McCain's $300 million battery prize shows the necessary commitment. What's that? The batteries exist already, but a single oil company holds the patent and won't let anyone produce batteries useful for anything bigger than a flashlight? Give 'em the reward, they deserve it!

It's almost like the Republicans are trying to throw the race. And that makes me nervous; I mean, we know there's a huge mess to be cleaned up, but this could indicate that there's a huge bomb hidden somewhere in the middle of it, just waiting for the next president to find it.

Meanwhile, my electric car is crippled for lack of affordable batteries. I guess we'd better start drilling for oil off the coast!